Assaultedmuffin

assaultedmuffin, also known as VagueWeatherman, is a CEman who is known for making "Choose Your Own Adventure" stories. His stories rose in popularity when he made "CYOA: You have a hammer." This CYOA started with a man stealing a hammer from a TV repairman, and somehow ended up creating a cult of people who wear other people's skin. Many consider this the best CYOA on CE. His work include "CYOA: You work for a Suicide Hotline," "CYOA: You are the money someone could be saving with Geico," and "CYOA: Satan is your Next Door Neighbor."

Despite being extremely popular with the users, many of his topics are closed by the mods. After his "CYOA: You're Creepy" topic was modded because of the stories main character selling weed to the girl he has a crush on, assaultedmuffin decided to make a "Mod-Friendly CYOA." The story consisted of a man doing boring everyday activities. This topic was also closed by the mods.

After the CYOA "You are Fossil" was modded assaultedmuffin grew angry at the mods of Ce and decided to never post CYOAs on Ce again.

Quotes

 * My balls are like sharks, you'll see them in the ocean and say "Are Those sharks?" No, they're my balls. - You're Creepy
 * You look at your fish. Why are you breathing? Why am I breathing? - Mod Friendly CYOA
 * You quickly pull out your iPod from your pocket and begin playing solitare. You've never beaten iPod solitare. Ever. Nobody can. - You work for a Suicide Hotline
 * You conclude the best course of action is to eat the hammer, clearly making yourself the victor in this little quarrel - You Have a Hammer
 * You should never have more than one Big Mac, but you always do. You're wild, like a stallion. - You are an off-duty Gamefaqs moderator
 * That's easy. You're the money he could be saving with Geico. Just tell him that. "GOOLA PLAPSKY BALLS!" Hey, you said balls. Your first word. - You are the money someone could be saving with Geico
 * "What?" Jeff asks, "Aren't you an atheist?" You say, "No that's you." - Satan is your next door neighbor
 * "leggo my penis." The man disregards your request with a simple, "No." - A strange man has grabbed your genitals

Links

 * Aerial Assault - assaultedmuffin's board for his CYOA's.